藥 房 笑 話 集 Pharmacy Jokes

有意者，可以翻译一下，下面的英文笑话。。若基本正确的，本人另外评分。。  （云力月永丿目）

Peanuts Review

A pharmacist goes to a nursing home to review an elderly customer. As he is sitting there, he notices a bowl of peanuts beside her bed and takes one. As they talk, he can't help himself and eats one after another.

By the time they are through talking, the bowl is empty.

He says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but I seem to have eaten all of your peanuts."

"That's okay," she says. "They would have just sat there. Without my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off and put them back.


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THE WEDDING

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, aged 89, are all excited about their desision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a chemist. Jacob suggests they go in. He addresses the pharmacist, "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do." Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds." Jacob: "Medication for rheumatism, scoliosis?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely" Jacob: "How about Viagra?" Pharmacist: "Of course"
Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?" Pharmacist:
"Yes, a large variety." Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, agarol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?" Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?" Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes" Jacob says to the pharmacist: "We'd like to register for our wedding gifts here please.


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还一半

农民第一次到城里买药。他不知道怎么称呼药房里的药剂师，

于是去问街上的小孩。小孩见他土里土气，

故意骗他说：「你叫他庸医就行了。」

农民到了药房，大声说：「庸医，我买一些退热药。」

药剂师一听，勃然大怒，伸手给了农民两个耳光。

农民回到家里，一把揪起老婆，狠狠打了她一耳光。

老婆吓了一跳，浑身大汗，热度一下子没了。

农民一看如此有效，便回城找药剂师说：

「你的药真好，剩下的我还给你。」

说罢，他狠狠地打了药剂师一耳光。


兔子

某天有某只兔子跳进药房问说

兔子:老板,你们有没有卖红萝卜??

老板笑笑回答说:没有

次日,兔子又跳进来问说

兔子:老板,你们有没有卖红萝卜

老板:没有!!!第三日

兔子又跳进来问有没有卖红萝卜??

老板:我们没有卖!!

你再进来问我就剪掉你的耳朵!!

第四日兔子跳进来问

兔子:老板,你们有没有卖剪刀??

老板:没有!

兔子:那你们有没有卖红萝卜???

老板:!@#$%%^



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Frozen

Outside a chemist in a busy street, a poor man is clutching onto a pole for dear life - not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle - just standing there, frozen. The pharmacist, seeing this strange sight in front of his shop, goes up to his assistant and asks, "What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier?" Assistant replies, "Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help." Pharmacist says, "He seems to be fine now." Assistant replies, "Sure, he does. I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives on the market... Now he won't dare cough!"


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What a placebo!
A funny story I know comes from someone's father-in-law who is a pharmacist. One of his customers complained that the capsules she'd been given weren't working. "Oh," he said, "You've been taking them the wrong way. You have to take them so that the green half goes in first." He said that she stopped by a week later to let him know that her medication was working fine now.



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Including Tacks?
This kid walks into the pharmacy: "I've a hot date tonight, a sure thing, and my buddies said you could fix me up for it." "What do you want?" "Well, it's a hot date, man. A sure thing? You know..." "What do you want?" "I need some protection, alright??!?!" "What size?" "Size? I dunno... Whatever is considered average I guess." "That'll be $2.35 including tax." "Tacks? Tacks? I thought they stayed on by themselves!"



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Knowledge Pill
A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form.

A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.

The pharmacist says, "Here's a pill for English literature."

The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!

"What else do you have?" asks the student.

"Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist.

The student asks for these and swallows them and has new knowledge on those subjects. Then the student asks, "Do you have
a pill for math?"

The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment," goes back into the storeroom, brings back a whopper of a pill, and plunks it on the
counter.

"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.

The pharmacist replied, "Well, you know math always was a little hard to swallow."



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The pharmacist joke
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."



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Another Pharmacist Joke
A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this isweird, but, hey, there's no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Who knows, maybe it's a good thing.
The next day, the same man comes back to the store, purchases yet another condom, and once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of the pharmacist.
"What's could be so funny about buying a condom, anyway?"
So he tells his clerk "If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him to see where he goes." Sure enough, the next day the same man is back, he buys the condom, and again starts cracking up with laughter, then leaves.
The pharmacist tells his clerk, go follow the guy. About an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store.
"Did you follow him? Where did he go?" asks the pharmacist. The clerk replies "Your house."



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Do You Have Any Plums?

A penguin was passing the drug store when he   decided he wanted to go in. He walks in the door (ring ring ring, waddle waddle waddle) he waddles up to the counter. 'Can I help you mister  penguin?'
'Yes, do you have any plums?'
'No, penguin, this is a drugstore.'
'Thank you.'
The penguin leaves (waddle waddle waddle)
A while latter the penguin passes by again and once again goes inside.(ring ring ring, waddle
waddle waddle) He waddles to the counter.
'Excuse me, do you have any plums?'
'NO, penguin! this is a drug store!'
'Very well then, thank you.'
'If you come back in here again penguin, I will nail your cute little feet to the floor.'
'Oh, well, thank you'
The pengin waddles out the door.
A while latter the penguin goes back into the store.(ring ring ring, waddle waddle waddle)
'Excuse me sir.'
'WHAT!!!!!!????????'
'Do you have any nails?'
'NO! penguin, this is a drug store!!!'
'Oh, well then, do you have any plums?'
  


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Condom Joke

A Grandpa walks into a grandson's apartment and sees a condom on the table.
'What's this!?' demands the grandfather.
'It's a condom' replies thegrandson sheepishly.
'What do you use it for?' asks Gramps.
The guy is surprised that his grandpa really doesn't know what a condom is, and replies 'I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain'
To his surprise his grandpa says 'That's a great idea,' and goes off to the drug store.
He asks the pharmacist for a condom.
'What size would you like' asks the pharmacist.
'Oh, big enough to fit a camel'



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Gold Coins

One day on the way home from work, I stopped at the local Pharmacy and while I was checking out, I picked up some candy to take home for me and my 7-year old son. It was a bag of Gold Coins (Gold Foil-covered chocolate candy coins). There were many sizes, from dime to dollar. I took the bag home, and me and my son opened the bag and ate all of the coins, my son taking the bigger dollar-sized ones and me taking the smaller ones.
The next day, my wife, my son and Istopped at the Pharmacy again to pick up a few things. While my wife and I were shopping, we noticed that my son had picked up a Gold Coin Condom. Before we could catch him, he took it up to the counter and asked the Pharmacist, "What's this?"
The woman, looking very serious,said, "That's a condom, son."
To which my son replied, "My daddy BOUGHT me some of these yesterday!"
With a disgusted look on her face,the Pharmacist replied, "Those are NOT for children, young man."
And finally, my son replied, "Then I'll buy this one for my Daddy. He likes the LITTLE ones!"